Secrets for Keeping an Intimate and Happy Marriage
Every groom or bride is feeling hopeful as he or she walks down the aisle. Marriage is the idea of living, through thick or thin, with the love of your life. With that in mind, keeping a happy marriage entails effort, time, and many more.
For starters, let’s look into how marriage is different from dating. Some people assume that when you move in with a longtime partner, it is the same thing as getting married. It is actually not the case. Dating is like a training ground for marriage. This phase offers a chance for you to explore and learn things before you get committed to marriage. There are still aspects of marriage that only married couples experiences.
In perspective, marriage is a great form of commitment. It begins when your partner asks the question, “will you marry me?”. Answering with ‘yes’ is the stepping stone to the long journey of a married life. Couples let the world know that they brought their relationship to a new level when they finally say ‘I do’ and by signing the documents.
Marriage is all about keeping your love alive for a lifetime. When you are married, you are declaring that you want to spend your every day with only one partner and you are ready to face life’s challenges with him or her. During the dating phase, relationships often come and go. It is a bit easier to let go and move on when dating someone exclusively does not work anymore. In marriage, you will have the desire to patch up quarrels and misunderstandings as soon as possible. You would want to keep your family always intact.
Defining Emotional and Physical Intimacy
Relationship psychology describes intimacy as an individual’s openness to another person. He or she can be emotionally and physically open to another. This way, one is showing the other his or her truest color - no pretentions, no inhibitions, and no secrets. Couples who are intimate learn to understand each other deeply through the course of the relationship.
During the dating phase, intimacy is as its peak. People who are in this stage are excited to share their thoughts and feelings plus establish physical connections. Being curious, open, and vulnerable are usual traits of people at the beginning of a relationship.
As time passes and couples go through different challenges in life, emotional and physical intimacy become the least of people’s priorities. Husbands and wives have less excitement with one another and their interest to connect emotionally and physically is lost.
Marriage without emotional intimacy can burn bridges in your relationship. When couples have emotional intimacy, husband and wife feel more secured. They feel confident to say to their partner what’s on their mind. Communication in relationships is essential as this is the basis of how you will support your spouse. A relationship grows when the communication is constant.
The Root of Marital Problems
When intimacy starts to dwindle, marital problems arise. Intimacy is replaced by other objects and interest. These substitutes can be in a form of infidelity or excessive dependence to work, gambling, or other things that will not help resolve marital problems.
Couples are expected to face many hurdles in life and as a commitment to marriage, husbands and wives should work together to find solutions to these problems.
Since marriage and romance are intertwined with one another, solving marital conflicts involve the couple and even the whole family. When these things remain unresolved, the consequences are likely to affect the children, family, and friends of the couple.
Seven Tips to a Healthy Relationship
Healthy relationships are rooted on trust, openness, and confidence. Couples should work hand-in-hand to manage the family and this starts with having respect with each other’s differences. Marriage is union of two different people - with varying behavior, attitude, and beliefs. It is expected that there will be misunderstandings. Check out the tips below on strengthen your bond as husband and wife.
1. Create more happy moments
Even though bad times are unpredictable, it is advisable for couples to strive more in creating good and unforgettable moments. A happy couple will still experience problems but they know when to broaden their perspectives and try to see the bright side of things.
2. Celebrate the positive things
As couples collect good (and bad experiences), it will be better to emphasize and celebrate the positive things. You, your partner, and even the kids can savor these moments over dinner or when you are all just hanging out in the house. These celebrations are better when simple and intimate.
3. Keep family and friends around
Marriage does not mean you have to set limitations on yourself and your partner. It will be an admirable relationship when you have the love and support of family and friends. Couples do not need to divulge all their issues to other people but it will be better to have trusted colleagues on your side always.
4. Expect less, work more
No two individual are perfect but a happy marriage is attainable. You just need to keep your expectations at the right level. Never settle for too much and hurt your feelings at the end. Enjoy the present and learn to appreciate your partner for what she or he is.
5. Find the joy within
It is only when you learn to love yourself that you will be able to love another. Elders say that true happiness can be found within oneself. When you found this love within, love for another will flow naturally. Don’t be dependent on your partner or even on material things when looking for your sources of happiness.
6. More sex means more fun
Studies show that sex brings a lot of emotional and physical benefits to individuals. Not only does it burn fats, it also releases endorphins. This chemical is the body’s response to a stimuli. It is known to reduce stress and boost one’s self-esteem.
7. Plan exciting activities
There are hundreds of ways to be romantic to your partner! Discuss over breakfast or coffee some exciting things you can do together like traveling to another country, joining the local gym, or signing up for a dance lesson. The choice of activities is endless!
Spice up Your Sex Life after Having Kids
Do you need to take for granted intimacy after baby? Of course not! Juggling family and work responsibilities is a tough job. Add to that the postpartum appearance that makes women feel conscious and insecure. These factors may affect many couples’ sex lives but don’t let these things completely kill the romance in the bedroom. Here are some tips to bring that sexy back:
- After you put the children to sleep, take a quick shower, slide into some silky nightwear and give your husband a little massage as he gets ready to sleep. He will sure notice how you are making extra time and effort to bring intimacy back.
- How about you start the foreplay while you and your husband take that quick shower before bed? What’s more, you (or it can be your husband) can actually initiate quickies in between baby’s latching or naps. It can be one of the naughtiest things both of you can do without interrupting your baby’s routines.
- How about you and your partner set a time for sex? It may sound boring but scheduling this will both excite you. This means you have something to look forward to after work or when the children are all asleep.
- Take a day off from parent and work duties, book some tickets for a movie or a concert, and have a few drinks after. Find a good friend or a close relative who can look after kids while you and your partner go to a date night. To level things up, you can even book a getaway for the weekend! Just make sure your babysitter can phone you in case of emergencies.
- Go on a shopping trip with your husband. The both of you can pick out bedroom accessories like scented candles, dim lights, or bed sheets that can set the mood. What’s more, you can even let your husband choose some sexy lingeries for you!
- Bring back the excitement of the intimacy during the dating phase and try out naughty antics when you are alone with your partner. Get creative!
Is it Time to See a Counselor?
Couples go through the many stages in life and each of this stage influences one’s intimacy towards the other. When things are between you and your partner get difficult, it is recommended to seek the help of a counselor. This person can help you better understand the situations and teach you the guidelines on improving emotional intimacy.
Marriage counseling is a give and take process. A skilled marriage counselor can pinpoint the origin of the problem but there are several things that you have to do in order to make this therapy work:
1. Set goals for yourself and for your partner
To maximize the benefits of marriage counselling, set concrete goals for you and your partner. In this way, you see clearly the issues you two need to address as well as the behaviors your need to change. How will you come up with these aspirations? You can start by recapping the expectations you had at the start of your relationship. This is the reflection of the kind relationship you are longing for. You can also do a comparison of what were your characteristics before as a couple and now that many things had happened in the family. In addition, you can write down questions you have in mind and try to answer these as the therapy takes place.
2. Open your heart more
When marriage is on the rocks, the usual feelings hanging in the air is anger, disappointment, and annoyance. Marriage counselling is a way to dig deep beyond these negativity and look into its causes. What were the events or situations that triggered these emotions? Are you feeling tired of the relationship? Do you feel that it is useless to fix the problems because it is too late?
These feelings of resistance are creating a wall between you and your partner. When you start to see what’s beneath, you will be able to see clearly the root of the conflict. The sense of empathy and openness should be encouraged by your therapist.
3. Make time
The success of a marriage therapy will not be achieved overnight. The bigger the problem, the more time couples should meet with their counselor. Don’t look at the sessions like classes where you only have to attend just because you are required.
You have to make time to reach out to your partner to be able to find solution to the conflict. The calmness in the counselor’s office aims to create a space where there is no pressure and distractions.
A good relationship is anchored on a balance between emotional and physical intimacy. You can demonstrate this intimacy to your partner by accomplishing things that you know will make him or her happy. If you know your wife always wants the house to be clean and tidy, start by not leaving used dishes on the sink or if your husband hates constant nagging, start the change by leaving short notes instead.
People have many say when it comes to how to keep your marriage alive, but it all boils down to have a better understanding towards your partner. The additional of kids in the equation should not affect how you bond with your husband or wife. It should even make your union stronger than ever!
Constant communication is also essential. Couples who know how to share their thoughts and feelings with each other have no gray areas to fill out with assumptions. When problems arise, it is easier to pinpoint the cause and work on the wounds to bring back the healthy relationship.
Lastly, romantic ideas for married couples do not have to be expensive or cheesy, a listening ear and a caring heart can yield the marital bliss that every couple wishes during the start of this journey.